This is Why I Miss Seattle

My dad sent me this photo the other day. It's a view of Mt. Rainier from their porch. I fly home to this tomorrow night! Excited for some much needed Pacific Northwest time. Most of it will be spent camping. One more half day of work this week, and I'm out!

Gorgeous.

Another Celebrigay

So...I was so hyped up about Pride that I forgot to mention another celebrity sighting that occurred in my life. On my way to work a few weeks ago I saw Bob Harper (personal trainer from The Biggest Loser). He was coming out of Starbucks on Santa Monica Blvd. He blended in quite well with all the other well-chiseled gay boys who frequent that particular Starbucks, but I could spot him from a mile away. (Sara and I are addicted to The Biggest Loser...what can I say.) This was also my first time seeing someone famous in LA. So it was all very exciting for me. My jaw dropped open as I drove by and didn't close for at least a few blocks. I think if I would have seen Jillian Michaels I would have crashed my car.

In case you are unfamiliar:

Made my morning.

LA PRIDE! and Celebrity Sightings

Pride was fantastic! OK we didn't even go to the parade this morning...but Friday night was a blast. Sara and I had decided to get a hotel that night so we could fully experience the evening and not have to worry about a place to park and how to get home. So right after work I met her at the hotel on Santa Monica Boulevard. She had brought me some dinner and we had a few drinks and were out the door. I'll say we timed that right, because just as we were walking outside, the Dyke March was parading past the hotel. We joined in and were happy to finally find where all the ladies at! There is something so comforting about looking around and seeing other people like you being happy. Other women holding hands with the people they love and not having to worry about what people think of them. I can hardly explain it.

The march made it's way to the West Hollywood Park where The Purple Party- Celebrating Women was just getting started. There was a main stage, food trucks, rainbow wrist bands, bars set up in tents giving away free t-shirts, and ladies, ladies, ladies. Not to mention celebrity gay ladies. As afterellen.com would call them, celesbians. Shortly after we got there, Dani from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila walked by. Sara tried to get me to talk to her but it reminded me of when I was at a bar in Seattle and saw Sirbrina, also from the show. My friends Monique and Megan were determined to get me to hit on her and wrote my phone number down on a receipt for her. She wound up telling them that she wasn't into me because she liked femmes. Traumatized. So somehow I was too chicken to get a picture with Dani.

We also potentially saw Tim Gunn from Project Runway walking through the crowd (we will call him a celebrigay) along with a few of the Ladies from Showtime's, The Real L Word. The show helped sponsor the event and had a pretty big presence throughout the night. Ironically, Sara and I had just tuned into the premier of the second season last week and were pretty impressed. This season looks like it will be better than the last one. I was excited to see people from the show casually walking by. I had said to Sara, "Of all the people on The Real L Word, I would love to meet Sajdah. She seems really cool." Sure enough, we spotted her over by the stage. Sara grabbed me by the arm and said, "There she is, we're meeting her." We both shook hands with her and chatted for a bit. I was right, she is awesome. Excuse the crappy quality of the picture from my phone, but here it is. Way cool. We should be friends...just sayin ;)


Whitney from The Real L Word (not only the new season but season one as well) was also there introducing Macy Gray to the stage.

I also had my picture taken with a big dancing vagina!!! We had a blast, what can I say. Best time of the year. Next year Sara won't have finals and we'll rock the whole three days of it.

We're Here, We're Queer

LA Pride is coming up! It's next weekend, June 10th-12th. I'm pretty excited about it, if you can't tell. I've been driving through West Hollywood on my way to work every morning seeing the signs advertising it for quite awhile now. It's finally here! However, this excitement is paired with a bit of trepidation. I have a feeling that the parking situation is going to be just insane. It's nearly impossible to find a place to park in Weho as it is. I've considered all the options- taxi, bus, tram...none of that will work. It's far enough away from home that driving is my only option. My only bright idea is that I could utilize my already-paid-for work parking in Beverly Hills, but that would require having to then taxi it back up to Santa Monica Blvd. Hmph. Anyone ever been to LA Pride? Have any tips?

Things No One Ever Told Me About LA

I have decided that I am going to start a series of posts on this topic. I am always baffled by my petty but fascinating realizations about this city. It's nothing like Seattle. I didn't except it to be, but there are things that I wasn't expecting...and they blow my mind. 

One of the first things that caught me off guard was the fact that the grocery stores here are all different. QFC isn't called QFC...it's Ralph's, but it's the same store nonetheless. Safeway isn't Safeway...it's Vons. However, Albertson's...is Albertson's. Weird. I've gotten used to it though.  Ralph's has become the store we rely on. In fact Sara and I have been watching a little too much of TLC's Extreme Couponing. We have our weekly sit down to organize and plan out our grocery needs and to decide which coupons we will be using at our trusty Ralph's across the street. Anyway, that's another topic.

Before I moved here, I had a completely different notion of what LA was. OK maybe it’s just me, but growing up, I formed an image in my head of what LA was like. I was really surprised when I realized how spread out everything is. Where exactly is LA? I’ve come to the realization that when people refer to LA, they mean Los Angeles County and all that it encompasses.  Downtown LA is actually kind of small for a city, and there’s nothing too exciting there. In the five months since I moved, I’ve been downtown once. Therefore, the famous and glamorous LA can’t be referring to the downtown area. Hollywood is LA, Pasadena is LA, Beverly Hills is LA...I still find myself trying to wrap my head around this phenomenon. 

Another thing that threw me for a loop was the abundance of medical marijuana clinics around here. They are everywhere! In fact they must compete with each other, because I have noticed several areas where there is one on either side of the street. I have no problem with this, don't get me wrong. I was just surprised when I realized I was seeing a total of about five bright green neon Mary Jane leaf signs on my route to work every morning.

Beverly Hillbilly

I witnessed THE STRANGEST event while at work the other day. OK so it's been over a week since it happened, but I'm just now writing about it. It was the end of a long day, and I was working with a patient in a treatment room. The patient was face down on a massage table, nearly asleep, and I was working on his back. I was exhausted and kind of zoning out. I was gazing out the window, people watching, and counting down the minutes until I could be on my way home.

A woman squatting in front of her car on the side of the street caught my eye. I thought, "What? Is she peeing? Out in the open on a busy street in Beverly Hills? Next to Neiman Marcus!?" Yes my friends, she was. And this was no homeless-looking person either. She was nicely dressed, as if she had just gotten off of work. She then pulled up her pants, zipped them, and walked around to the side of her car. She stood there for a minute, swaying around a bit, and then put her hands on her head. So then I thought to myself, "OK, she must be drunk, or high on something." She was absolutely wasted. Her head then dropped forward, as if she was trying to touch her toes. She hung there for quite a while. She rolled up from her bent over position and shook her legs. I couldn't believe it. She had just peed again! Down the legs of her nice black work pants. That assumption was confirmed when she opened the door of her car and sat down on the passenger seat, leaving two puddles of urine on the sidewalk. At this point I felt sick to my stomach. It not only grossed me out but I was concerned! I almost felt like I should have done something. However, with a patient's care in my hands, I just continued to work and kept one eye glancing out the window.

After what seemed to be an attempt at a nap, she sat up from her slumped position and checked her hair and make up in the visor mirror. She grabbed something like a towel or t-shirt and patted at her wet pant legs. After thinking that she pulled herself together she got up, slung her purse over her shoulder, locked the car, and walked down the block. I don't know why it weirded me out so much. Unfortunately, drunk young people do things like that all the time. But not at 6:30....off of Wilshire...in front of a physical therapy clinic. Or maybe they do, this is So Cal after all.

P.S. The patient I was working on had no idea that any of this was going on and he still received excellent patient care. Not to worry you.

11 Years Later and My Math Is Still Queer

About a month ago my boss called me into her office to hand me my paycheck. Being called into her office is always intimidating, but I was happy to be getting paid. My excitement was smashed when she said, "Here is your check, but you were inaccurate." I immediately realized that I must have miscalculated on my time sheet. I apologized awkwardly. I was too embarrassed to think of the right thing to say. She then looked at me in the eye and said, "Simple math Melanie, this is simple math." At that point I just wanted to die, or be invisible, something.

From that point on I was determined to never let that happen again. I meticulously wrote down my hours at the end of every shift like it was my duty. My co-workers made fun of me. They thought it was ridiculous how much effort I was putting into it. I didn't care though. I was too focused on never having to be that embarrassed again. I was ashamed. I mean, who does that? Not me. I was the kind of kid in high school who was a year ahead in math and still got 100% on my tests. Even before that I was the kid who had rooms and rooms full of treasure on Treasure Mathstorm. Remember that computer game? It holds a special place in my heart.

Now you're probably thinking, everyone makes mistakes, right? This is no big deal. And you are correct. But what if I told you it happened again? That's right. Today I was called into her office again. "Melanie, you have never been correct on your time sheet, ever." Jfoiweufaosdjflkjslkasjdlfkajsoweiugkhjk!! What?! I couldn't believe it. I had TRIPLE checked my math on my most recent time sheet and STILL was off. Did you know that .5 + .5 = 1.0? Apparently it's news to me. This time I had a little more pride to try and defend myself. I told her that I'm usually pretty good at math and I couldn't believe I was having such a problem. I said I would use a calculator from now on. "No," she said, "this is good practice for you." Ahhhhhggggg. Humiliating.

I thought about it the whole drive home. Thank you for letting me share my woes. I feel a little better now. I think it's time for a trip to the 99 Cent Only store for a calculator...to use of course after I do it in my head. For good practice...